Elle’s Diary: Insecurities Unfiltered

DSC00059 We all want to be called beautiful. We all have one time admired someone and wished we could look like them. I was left speechless the other day when asked “how do you get over your insecurities?”. Had I fooled others so well into believing that I was secure with myself?? I would like to believe I am the most insecure of the bunch. I have such a ridiculous routine for getting ready for the day and for going to bed. I work hard to keep my skin and hair together just to pack on make up and styling products. I remember when Brooke Shields said “I wish I looked like Brooke Shields in real life”, pointing out that even those we admire are not perfect. So when my friend asked me, “how do you get over your insecurites?”, I told her, “we don’t, we just own them.” I remember counting out everything I hated about myself and maybe finding one or two things that were just mediocre, not okay, just mediocre.
Doesn’t everyone have insecurities? I think about how I would watch Kimora Lee Simmons show, “Life in the Fab Lane”, I loooooooooove Kimora!!, and she wanted to go on diets, she would only let them shoot her from certain angles, I mean the works. Thinking back to it now, this woman who I idolize wasn’t perfect, and she displayed it for the world to see. She has been in the fashion world for over a decade and never let her insecurities hold her back. So why should we? If we recognize that we were meant to look and be different from one another then we could surely find the beauty within ourselves.
Of course we want to look like people in the magazines because they are called beautiful…But by whos stanards? Not every girl looks like the women in the magazine, but that doesnt make them unattractive. I definitely dont look like the Elle thats walking around on a given day. That takes some work. Lol. But when its time for me to stop playing dress up at the end of the day and take everything off, Im not unhappy with who the person is staring at me in the mirror. I use to critize myself, and we are our own worse enemies when it comes to this, but now Im kind of like, yeesh you look like your twelve. That is as bad as it gets, I really think I look like some little preteen instead of a twenty two year old. Pathetic right?
But look into what is making you insecure. Is it that your hair isnt long? Do you not have a small button nose. Are you a little larger than some people? Do you not have pretty colored eyes? There are so many combinations of faces that trying to keep up with an ideal look would be over and obsolete just as fast as you can put in your colored contacts. Theres always going to be someone prettier than the pretty girl. We cant keep up. But when you can embrace that and compliment another person and mean it, then you have taken a big step. The hardest thing for women and their insecurities is not judging someone else solely because we want what they have.
So how did I get over my insecurities? I havent…But in this busy life I had to realize, I only get this one chance to live it. And as put together as I look we should never judge a book by its cover. I’ve been called names, still am called names; been called crazy a couple of times, but I admit I am; I was told two days before Valentine’s day that he wanted something serious….just not with me; Im skinny; I never smile with teeth because of my gap and my nose…Get the point?? I could sit here and tell you how un-perfect I am or what flaws I have OR I can get up from my bed every morning, look in the mirror, wink at that girl looking back, put on some amazing shoes and walk out into the world. You might cry a little but heck you might laugh more, so live either way. I got 99 flaws but my life aint one, it was meant to be. 🙂 Dedicated to S. I love you, flaws and all.

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